I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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