OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
