i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
