Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
