I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
