you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
