allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
