It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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