I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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