this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
