So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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