he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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