Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
