My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
