I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
