i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
