Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize