I love black thongs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
