He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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