i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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