Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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