took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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