i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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