True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
