Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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