no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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