dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
