we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize