In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
