i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
