sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
