If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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