I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
