Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
