I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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