three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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