I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
