So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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