um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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