I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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