I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
