i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
