I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
