guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
