they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
