The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
