i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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