please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
