Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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