wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
