I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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