it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
