no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
