Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
