I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
