Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
