Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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