I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
