You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
