Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
