apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
