good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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