Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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