I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
