my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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