i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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