remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
