It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize